Drown in me
by cheshireSorrows
Summary: Ren confesses, and it doesn't go the way anyone expects. A compromise, a game, and constant drowning; it's all in the name of love. Eventual M.
1. Chapter 1

**STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NO INFRINGEMENT INTENDED.**

.

Drown in me

Chapter one

.

The sky was full – heavy clouds peaked between the grey tinted windows of the skyscrapers as darkness overshadowed the once bright day. Though the sun strained within the confines of its prison, its' warmth and illuminating light was dimmed, reduced only to the ember of a candle.

Curiously, it felt symbolic, as if the universe knew exactly what was going on in the heart of an individual that it could mirror the tragedy a person felt, even if it was more a creeping sensation of dread.

His expression was impassive, and he didn't dare to look at the passenger beside him as he drove to his apartment.

It hadn't been so long ago that he was fighting the urge for a different reason.

Any other time had Mogami Kyoko been next to him he'd have to focus on driving purely to ensure they didn't end up in an accident.

She would fidget beside him, nervous at first, and sometimes she would stutter when she spoke to him.

He, in response, would made it his mission every time to make her blush somehow, and when she did, she would huff and look bashfully out the window.

Then, like clockwork, he would feel bad about it and bring up dinner, something she had taken as of late to sharing with him. She had claimed it was to ensure he was actually taking care of himself a task he never took seriously enough in her opinion: As an actor, getting sick was not an option and as someone she cared about his wellbeing was of utmost importance.

Her passionate spiel was one of the more obvious reasons why she was such a distraction, and the simple reminder that she cared for him gave him hope enough that she might someday return his feelings.

The fact that she was perfect in every way in his eyes had never been lost on him; the fact that she trusted him with her very life and believed him to be her most honorable and respectful senpai was where the problem lay.

His hands on the steering wheel tightened.

If only he hadn't pushed her that night. Hadn't teased her into admitting she thought of him in a different way then she had her other friends. If only he just accepted the little rush of happiness when her confession that he was even a friend at all had her blushing and fiddling again.

Ren was more than happy with the little she had given him that night as they ate – sitting across each other at the table, food in between them and talking animatedly about one topic or the other.

Almost domestic: almost romantic.

The thought pleased him too much to let go, and so he kept on pushing and before he knew it, he had confessed.

Perhaps it was simply the right time, the right conversation, the right atmosphere, but it wasn't.

How the whole thing started was a blur, but the ensuing conversation was clear in his mind:

"I…" Her hands visibly shook, and the chopsticks in her hand fell on the plate. She bowed her head, her bangs shadowing her eyes.

Anxiously he waited, and when it felt like his world was completely falling out of the sky, he could only utter her name before she spoke once more, "I can't love you Tsuruga-san…"

Not even Ren.

"Not because I don't," she added in a whisper and slowly her eyes met his, her gaze guarded and vulnerable at the same time. "But because I don't know what love is…"

Every part of him wanted to shout and shake her, make her understand in some way the depths of his feelings. But it wasn't that she didn't return his feelings rather she just didn't understand _what it is he felt_.

Thickly she swallowed. "That's why I'm in the LoveMe program, to know what it means to love. And I don't know how yet…I'm not…I'm not completely hopeless though, I've learnt so many things and experienced so many things: friendship, kindness, closeness, but love? I'm not…I'm not worthy of that Tsuruga-san, and you deserve that."

"Why should I deserve it, and not you?" he asked, his voice low, "Do you hold me so high that you think I'm without fault, and deserve everything I want but you?"

Her gaze fell as a whimper escaped her lips; her hands drew into her lap: Hiding, defensive.

For awhile they said nothing. Ren couldn't name the emotions filling his chest. It wasn't anger, not at all, just a dull thrum and an unbearable pain that he could feel with every cell in his body. He left the table, back to her as he rested his fist on the kitchen counter and clutched the other at his chest. Somehow, his heart was still beating.

Love unrequited, he thought sardonically, who knew it would feel worse than not being able to tell her at all?

"As your kohai I want to make you proud," her voice came, quiet and unyielding, "to never disappoint you or embarrass you, to please you and make you happy...how am I to do that as anything more?"

Her senpai, always her senpai.

"Is that why you can't return my love? Because you're afraid you'll disappoint me?"

When he turned again, she was still staring at her hands; her cheeks flushed.

In less than two strides he was at her side again, squatting down to her eyelevel so she'd look at him. Taking her hand in his, her expression was surprised and confused – tears, unshed causing her eyes to glisten.

"T-Tsuruga-san?"

Her hand in his, he kissed them and she gasped, the corner of his lips turning up slightly at the sound. From the top of her nails to her knuckles and the back of her hand before he turned it over and kissed the tips of her fingers, the heart of her palm and finally up to her wrist where he lingered. From there her pulse hammered against his lips, and he sighed. "How do I make you understand?"

"You can't," she eventually whispered, "I'm not…I'm not capable of it…"

He looked up at her and the hand he was resting on slipped down to the column of her neck. "Can I teach you then?"

It was a selfish preposition even then he knew, but the proximity of her was too much. The thought of never being that close to her again tore at him, and like a desperate man, he fumbled for a lifeline.

Genuinely confused, and possibly hopeful, her gold eyes stared straight through him. "What do you mean? How can you…how can you teach me?"

"Love is as much about feeling as it is about making another person feel…I know your experience with love hasn't been the best…" Her lips quirked slightly at the understatement, and he smiled a little in reply, "and though I can't understand love for you, I can show you what it should feel like…if you let me…"

Her voice had dropped in a fearful whisper, "What if I don't feel it?"

He faltered and answered, "If it makes you uncomfortable or you don't like it, I'll stop and I'll….I'll let you go."

"Tsuruga-san," she whispered harshly in alarm.

"You won't lose me," he comforted, "I'll still be your senpai."

"And…my friend?"

That was pushing it a bit, but he couldn't deny her that. "Always Kyoko."

The tips of her ears turned bright red, either from the response or simply because he used her first name, he wasn't sure but he found himself chuckling regardless. "Will you let me teach you then?"

"I…" Despite being hesitant, there was hope clear in her eyes even as she questioned, "What would teaching me how to love give you in return?"

"The chance to love you, even at the expense of you not loving me back."

Her colour flared once more though this time she turned away, her lower lip jutting out in an unexpected pout. "How do you make it sound so…so simple?"

"Because it is, really…you trust me, don't you?"

"Yes." With no question or hesitation, it was all the invitation he needed. Taking a hold of her chin, she resisted for a second until the distance between them was reduced to them being nose to nose. Her eyes fluttered, and a small smile was all he allowed, as his breath warmed her cheeks, he asked in a whisper, "May I kiss you?"

A pink tongue darted out to lick her lips anxiously, a part of her wanting to refuse, to run away from all of this, but she pushed the reflex aside and gave a miniscule nod instead, and with that the distance between them vanished.

As much as he had told her that he would let her go if she didn't feel the same, kissing her was like submerging himself in a world that didn't exist beyond him and her, together: the feel of her hair against his forehead, the softness of her skin beneath his hand, the sweetness of her lips against his own – she was everything, she was everywhere, and he was going to drown in her.

Beside him, Kyoko asked tentatively, "Tsuruga-san, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

She chewed the inside of her cheek as she muttered, "You're lying."

From the corner of his eye, their gazes locked, and he had her drowning without even knowing.

**A/n: **Hello! So this is my first Skip Beat! story, as well as my first attempt at a bit of angst so I'm holding thumbs that this didn't suck too much.

Side note, is it wrong for me to write for this fandom even though all I know about is from fanfiction (hides)

If you like the story, please feel free to follow, favorite or, if you're feeling extra generous, a review.


	2. Chapter 2

.

Drown in me

Chapter two

.

She wasn't ready for this.

Nose to nose with him, his breath was a warm caress against her cheeks, and his eyes so deep that they were almost smoldering.

Inwardly she gulped.

After avoiding him as much as possible the day after, this was her punishment. A drive home.

Any girl, any person, would kill themselves to be in the same position as her. Even if their adrenaline was pumping, their heartbeat was in their ears and a strange fluttering sensation filled their belly.

Kyoko knew, from experience and in her heart, that there was nothing to be afraid of: This was Tsuruga Ren, she was talking about.

Famous actor, Japan's golden boy, idol number one and her most trusted friend and senpai, notwithstanding.

There was nothing threatening about him, not at all. There was no Emperor in his mannerisms, and the thumb he had tucked beneath her chin to raise her face to his was barely even holding her to begin with.

But her heart was still racing; thrumming, thundering – frantic and impatient at the same time.

Vaguely she wondered if she'd have a heart condition at the end of all of this.

Not that she'd be surprised.

Since dinner with her senpai had taken a turn her skin had spotted with goosebumps, cold and shivering, and yet she felt too hot, like she was sweating through her clothes. There was a distinct tremble everywhere, she could feel it: her lower lip, her toes, her arms and legs. Kyoko wanted to curl up tight just to stop it, but any commands she sent to her brain were ignored.

His voice came then, startling her even though it was barely louder than a whisper against her lips, "May I kiss you?"

She should have said no, refused and ran because that was what she knew, but her body didn't know that and instead she felt her head bob in agreement.

The part of her in control wasn't phased at all by this development, this question, but when his lips brushed tentatively against hers, any rational thought in her head was gone.

Ren had stolen the breath she had inhaled.

There wasn't electricity, not in the way romance books described.

It was like they'd suddenly been engulfed into their own personal bubble with nothing inside but them. She couldn't hear the heartbeat in her ears, didn't feel the tremble at her limbs.

There was him and there was her, and that was it.

It wasn't what she was expecting, and it ended before she could even form a thought coherent enough to make sense. But it wasn't unpleasant, nowhere near it, but she still didn't know what it was.

At the slowly disappearing pressure, his movement to retreat, she reached out with one hand around his head and pulled him back by the collar of his shirt.

It was different the second time as if the first had him just as shell shocked as her. This time he was confident, this time he knew what he was doing.

Wading through the uncertain waters, he anchored her: His arm moved about her body, brushing her arm and sliding down her back until his hand was resting on the floor behind her, and all the while she shivered from a cold that didn't exist and her body burned with an unexplained heat.

As if assuring her that the strange waves would cease causing such a response from her, his lips moved against hers. "Trust me," he seemed to say.

Unintentionally, her lips parted to respond, but that seemed to be a whole other question, one he didn't have a problem answering.

The fingers that found itself in his hair tugged, and he sucked her lower lip in retaliation.

Her gasp was alien to her, just enough to pull her out of the water to realize what it is they were doing, and just in time for her to escape her daydream and realize that the car had stopped in front of the Darumaya.

"Kyoko."

"Yes?" Somehow she managed to sound less flustered than she felt, and she mentally applauded herself on a job well done.

A side glance her way dried her mouth, a look between frustration and confusion, bound in a small smile and a sad pair of eyes. "You trust me, don't you?"

"You know I do." There was still no stutter, but inside she faltered, the words from last night echoing in her mind before he asked if he could –

Ren nodded, and look ahead again. With another breath, he said, "You should go inside, it's late."

After a quick glance at the numbers on the dashboard, she frowned at the hour and asked, "Would you like some dinner before you go?" She smiled and added, "I still don't trust you to eat without supervision."

He gave a small smile, a bit better than the one he had offered earlier but was just as forced.

"I'll make do."

"Tsuruga-san." He heard the frown in her voice, but continued to stare firmly ahead.

"Really Mogami-san, there was lots leftover from last night. I'll be fine."

That faltering feeling suddenly felt more like sinking, and like anyone doing whatever they could to keep their head above water; she escaped.

From over her shoulder, Kyoko watched his car drive away.

The black backdrop of the sky he seemed to drive into was as dark as the eyes that met her when she pushed him away last night. One gasp, one wrong move, and the bubble around them had imploded in an instant as the rest of the world rushed back.

The Emperor of the Night was suddenly before her, his forehead against hers, his breathing ragged and his eyes bent on bringing her down, down, down…

She wasn't ready for this.

**A/n:** This chapter, as is all others, is unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, it'll be the last for the year so until I see you guys again: happy 2015!

As usual, if you're enjoying so far, please do follow or add the story to your favorite, and if you're looking for some good karma, a review always goes a long way ;) Jokes, but thank you to everyone who left me such amazing reviews, you guys are the best! Any suggestions to improve are appreciated :)


End file.
